Monday, July 14, 2008

My side

At this stage in death life, there is a current descent into hermitage. All of my closer friends are going through some personal things in their life. I’m finding intolerable faults with all of them. Both statements are interchangeably the reason I must begin to let them go. Says my logic anyway. You can look at my PT on the right side below and see for yourself if there’s something wrong with my perspective.

One, let’s say [Carla], has some sort of problem with “initiating”, calling or texting me to ask to hang out. Almost every time we have gotten together, I’d invite her to dinner or ask if she could have company. I met her at B.M.Community College, during which time we met in Poetry class and got acquainted. Then I started working for the school newspaper and stopped seeing her around. I called Carla once, years later, asking to see if she’d like to attend a movie, and she got all defensive because she had some boyfriend who got jealous of her male friends. This same boyfriend has recently been shot and relinquished to ex status.

We started hanging out again months ago and she’s paid for one meal at Applebees. I’ve paid for every external activity ever since. Ok, she lives by herself, I live with my mother (saving up to move but people recommend I stay and finish my Master’s, that’s another story). She’s got more bills. Fine, we also sometimes sit at her house and drink those Smirnoff cooler things and watch T.V, but she doesn’t call for this either. I’ve discussed this with her, and she says it’s not something she does on purpose. But she still does it, so, even though I just hung out with her Friday (I didn’t want to go home) I must resort to pride and not call her anymore.

There is also my ex, [Penelope] who was my best friend since the 4th grade or some such nonsense. An elementary school teacher who is quite the tranquil, thoughtful person. Note: do not confuse thoughtful with considerate. Not in my estimation at least.

After A Series of Unfortunate Events which include a miscarriage, an abortion, arguments over tardiness and things of the past, we’ve (I’ve) decided to be friends (although we still engaged in intimate matters). This worked for sometime, until she disappeared for weeks and I had to yell at her on the phone to get the confession that she was seeing a guy who lived across the street from me and whose mother spoke to my mother. They dated for a little while, and then he admitted to Penelope that she was not his main dish, just the appetizer. That was months ago, and we started hanging again for a little while, but lately she also has stopped picking me up from work or asking to hang after offers of paying for dinner at Red Lobster or Friendly’s has stopped. So I must cut her off as well. This is not the only time she’s done this.

I almost always see bloggers post about loneliness. And that sharp sting of social despair has stuck me at times as well, but I didn’t want to give it the sad picture that others have. Company is unnecessarily costing me money, so the hermitage must be, until I come across someone else.

However, I did not mention the personal matters that they, and two other women I know, are going through, because that warrants a post within itself, which I shall write next. Oddly, they all have different spins on the same plight. Let us examine……….


  1. Hmm

    I must say, I have always chosen good company over financial stability.

    I think its pointless having nice things if you can't share them with people you love...

    That being said, its a two way street.


  2. Don't Feed The PixiesJuly 14, 2008 at 3:44 AM

    I've met some really great people in life that i thought i'd always be friends with, but you get tired of being the only one who makes the effort. Now, when i make a good friend at work i always feel a little sad that, when they find another job, i will probably lose contact with them.

    But that's life - we meet new people, we learn from them. sometimes they light our worlds for a while, sometimes they stay a little longer. I heard once that you will only ever make 5 true friends in your whole life - but i don't know who counted...

    The excitement is in the new friends you have yet to meet.

  3. Thanks for the comment, its given me much to ruminate on today.

  4. I feel you. Sometimes when the effort to be with a friend is being made only by one person, it's time to back off and call it quits. I think loneliness is better than surrounding yourself with people who don't care as much for you as you for them, or who take advantage of you either financially or emotionally.

  5. I'm waiting to hear both sides...

  6. i've let go of people, and let others back in...i know the same has been done of me. the firendships that suffered were those with a lack of sincere mutuality...with imbalanced give & take.

    could you count on your friends to give a little when YOU need them? to hear it in your voice (or read between the lines of your text)?

    frustration can lead to resentment, and trust me, that's a surefire killer of any friendship.

  7. I like the title of your posting.

    There is a saying (which I can't remember) but I believe in it ... people (friends and enemies, lovers and exes) aren't necessarily meant to be in our lives forever. Sometimes you do have to let them go for one reason on another. I think the saying is something like, people are in our life for a season or a reason or something like that ....

    and as jb said ... you don't necessarily have to be alone to fee lonely ... if your friends / partners aren't really there for you ... it's better to be alone than lonely ...

  8. This is something common, I think. Once in a while we have friends which we sort of grew from. They get new jobs perhaps and move some place different, and meet new people.

    Like my best friends who moved to Berlin, and have lived there for almost a year now. I sort of feel that we no longer are as good friends as we used to be, cause they have their lives over there and I have mine here. Even if I visit them, it's not the same... even though I wished it was. Our lives seems to be like miles apart, both literally and symbolical.

    Sometimes we need to let go, and try to find others who we can turn to, cause we need to have these kind of closer friends in our lives. Otherwise we will feel lonely.

  9. Ok, after reading all sides. These women are all in periods of their lives where they feel insecure and unstable, whatever the reason. Though this is sad, it is not your fault. It is also not your responsibility to make them feel better. I think your choice to back off is a good one.

    They need to learn to love themselves regardless of their romantic situation. As cliche as that concept is, it's very true. They cannot provide genuine, sincere friendship until they can feel good about who they are without a man.

    As a woman, I can say I have been like the women you've described so I am in no way judging them negatively just trying to help you out.


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