4 women that I talk to on the regular basis, all the same age (26-27), living in different parts of New York City with only me to connect them, are going through a rough and quite depressing time in their lives right now. They all deeply long to have a husband and a few children. But as each day passes and the reality that they are not getting any younger becomes sharper, it seems to them to become more and more difficult to develop said relations.
[Carla] has her own apartment and job, working as a sex educator to different classes in different schools. She has tried the company of a variety of people which include: the shot guy I've referred to in the "my side" post whom I've promptly labeled "50 Cent"; a club promoter; some being who lives upstate; and others. Although "50" has come the closest to fulfilling her long-term, full-time post for a position as husband due to the fact that they've known each other for so long and have been through much, he has failed. Unfortunately, the relationship began to be less about spending time with him and more about being responsible for him. How can he be the husband when he's too busy being the child?
Given this context, a review of our hanging out again possibly implies that Carla considered me to start her new family with, and my conversation with her about it led to her having the same feelings as my ex may have...............
[Penelope], as I've stated before, liked me when we were younger, but I never looked at her in such a light. Not that she was hideous or Republican or anything, I just seen her as a close companion. But, on the Monday after "Minority Report" was first released in theaters (this is how I remember dates), I decided to try taking our relationship further. A few events, discussions and arguments came and gone in the following year and some months, but we ultimately broke up because our lives we're in irreconcilable directions. She had, early, begun casting for the part of her husband and children's father in the film of her life. But I could not take the role, as I'm allergic to children and have not a bit more than a moral love* for them.
I do not find them cute, I don't think they're the only way to continue my being nor would I have them on the strength of. It is not a moral imperative to have them as the Conservative Christians believe (although it is imperative that we take care of and teach the ones that are here), nor can the will of child-bearing come from having someone who looks like me or having an existential challenge, as others of no special mention have suggested. Basically put, unless I come across ones who have the character (or a derivative) of Hermione, I do not have the patience. These feelings can possibly come from a variety of sources, which I will list elsewhere.
Again, given this context, it is possible that with my adamant views, and Carla and Penelope's desperation to find someone passionate about starting a family, it maybe that it has come to the point that they hardly tolerate [my/any kind of] male fellowship in their lives unless it is steering towards that special vision for themselves. Penelope is doing her best to get on with herself, focusing on enjoying life the best she can now. Carla is trying the same, but I fear her attempt is weaker, as she has taken up crying occasionally on review of her own situation.
This is just a hypothesis. Both parties have never said such a thing about the toleration, but I fear it maybe working within their spirits, and the descent into hermitage coming from my pathological rejection of conventional societal values............I'm making myself a hermit. The dynamics.
This post has become quite long. I'll discuss the other two's plight at a later time.
*See C.S. Lewis's "Mere Christianity", the chapter about Forgiveness.